My new book "Parenting with a Smile" has been published.
When was the last time we laughed with our child?
“Having experienced multi-distance education in China, the United States, and Japan, I have documented my explorations, hoping to provide supportive insights for parents and those considering parenthood.”
When was the last time we laughed with our child?
How should I raise my child?
What constitutes good education?
How can we turn the tide in every parenting breakdown?
Every family has a different background, and every parent and child has unique characteristics. The so-called "success" is built upon countless invisible and unreplicable opportunities and distinctive traits. Therefore, good parenting does not come from any expert, theory, or method, but from us as parents making choices in each moment—choices that are "just right, and even better"—based on our own state, our child's characteristics, the dynamics of our relationship at that very moment, and the environment and conditions we find ourselves in.
How can we make the right choice? It comes from a state of inner abundance and naturalness, the healing of inner obstacles and past wounds, the connection and reconciliation with our family of origin, and the acceptance and release of our true selves. Only when we begin to see ourselves can we start to understand our children. Only when we learn to love ourselves can we give our children genuine and natural love.
So this is not a book teaching you how to raise children, but rather a journey of self-care, awareness, and healing that I invite parents to embark on with me. Here, you will see my experiences in parenting, self-reflection, and personal growth—both the positive inspirations and legacies, as well as reflections on challenges and breakthroughs. Additionally, you will find insights from my later roles as an executive, an educator, and a mother, observing the growth journeys of parents from older generations, as well as the differences in parenting approaches among peers, younger generations, and within parent-child relationships and educational systems. These observations shed light on how different parenting styles shape lives and create lasting impacts, ultimately leading us to reflect on the question:
What truly constitutes good parenting? How should I raise my own child? What insights and inspirations can I share with today's parents? These questions converge in this book—a guide to parental awakening, starting from self-awareness.
Table of Contents
Preface
Laughing out loud, not easy.
How can you still manage to smile?
Even if you can't laugh, you have to force a smile.
Why should I write?
Why do you want to watch?
Part One: Smile for Me
Chapter 1: The Ability to Laugh is a High-Level Skill
What kind of people do children like?
What to play with your child?
Playing, do you need toys?
It works for little kids, but what about the older ones?
Today's laugh
Chapter 2: Why Can't We Laugh?
Being a parent is a schizophrenic existence.
It's not your fault if you can't laugh.
Parenting is the most advanced job in the world.
The "hardships" of parents are very specific.
How to raise children, knowing is one thing, but doing is another.
Chapter 3: Understanding Children
Children are not miniature adults.
Contradiction 1: Imagined World vs. Real World
Contradiction 2: "Expressing Through the Body" vs. "Expressing Through Language"
Methods you can use today
Speaking from the heart: Just these 6,000 days.
Part Two: Specifically for Those Who Can't Laugh
Chapter 4: Rewire Your Brain
The three most important, and also the most difficult to change, circuits.
I. From "Elsewhere" to "Here and Now"
II. From "Scarcity" to "Abundance"
III. From "Escape" to "Engagement"
Super Tool One: Master the "Three Realms"
Super Tool Two: Setting Up "Privileges"
Speaking from the heart: Every family needs a ZZ.
Chapter 5: Breaking the Curse of "Joy-Killing Parents"
How did "love" turn into "pain"?
First, do not make demands, but provide strength.
Second, Always Stand by Your Child's Side
Three, reasoning is just bullying children.
Four. Happiness Comes from "Breaking the Rules"
The Magician Who Turns Things into Juice
Don't misunderstand "acceptance."
Speaking from the heart: Those parenting philosophies once felt so distant to me.
Chapter 6: Raising a Well-Nurtured Child—Equipping Them with 7 "Adequate" Abilities
The ability to organize life
Facing the unknown
The capability of deep learning
Nonviolent Communication Skills
The ability to persuade others
The ability to understand money
The ability to face oneself
5 Simple Ways to Support Your Child
Speaking from the heart: In the AI era, what does effective learning look like?
Part Three: Those Problems That Make Us Unable to Laugh
Chapter 7: Anger Is Not Your Fault
An unfair world
When the child calls "Mom" a hundred times
Those moments when fear grips your throat.
Speaking from the heart: The other 99 frames of life.
Chapter 8: Those Tricky Questions (Adult Edition)
Time and energy are both limited, how can I spend quality time with my child?
How to Deal with Endless Questions
How to "Start from Small Problems"
How to Deal with the Messiness of Life
Feeling unwell and lacking patience, what should I do?
Losing your temper and hurting your child, feeling guilty—what should you do?
Housework is so tiring, what should I do?
When parenting views clash, what should you do?
Don't know how to play with kids, what should I do?
Speaking from the heart: The Blunt Middle Age
Chapter 9: Those Tricky Questions (Children's Edition)
Without this, there can be no talk of high-quality companionship.
What to do when a child is in a bad mood?
Accepting "negative emotions" means always being tolerant and accommodating?
What should I do when my children are having conflicts?
How to Balance Love for Children
What should I do if my child is addicted to electronic devices?
When should you step in to help your child?
Bragging Time
Part Four: Seeing the Truth, Parenting with Ease
Chapter 10: How Did We Lose the Ability to Laugh
Is the problem brought by the child?
Where do "invisible patterns" come from?
How to Deal with "Self-Inertia"
Where does the end of parenting lie?
What about the happiness and success we pursue?
Every child's heart is a deep ocean.
The Three Levels of Education
Speaking from the heart: Why do we love her?
Chapter 11: Seeing Myself in the Cycle of Reincarnation
Starting from "Émile"
An individual record
Only in middle age can one truly understand one's mother.
My Mom's "Three Axes" of Parenting
Speaking from the heart: Those "pearls" in my memories.
Chapter 12: Specialized Treatment for Those Who Can't Laugh
Have you had a good laugh today?
Does the child have demands? Always say yes?
Being a parent, reaching the third level
Hold me 20 times! Kiss me a million times!
Phone wallpaper, change to a "special" photo
Ask the child a "mysterious" question.
"The Body That Speaks"
Feeling a bit tired? Lie down and take a look.
We've had a disagreement. "Could you offer some advice?"
Let me choose one? I only choose you.
Try being even more heartbroken than the child.
Parenting, Learn from Farmers
Every day is a new beginning.
Finally, let's lighten the mood with a bit of humor.
Speaking from the heart: In the crevices of time, there lies that dazzling light.
Written at the end
Outstanding effort
Appendix A Little Poem for My Baby
With attached book review:
Faced with a mess, laugh out loud.
Author: Cai Chaoyang, an education scholar and parenting writer, author of works such as *In Search of Meaningful Education*, *Why Can't We Buy Everything*, and *How to Be Parents Today*.
As I read this book, my feelings gradually became completely different.
I think perhaps it's a bit of both, but it certainly doesn't stop there. This book touches the heart in so many profound ways, and I found myself deeply immersed in it—laughing, crying, and lost in thought. Ultimately, what one gains from reading depends on the reader's own needs. Whatever expectations you bring to this book, you will find everything you seek within its pages.
At the very least, this book can be approached from three dimensions.
Words are difficult to deceive others. Such writing, which is neither pretentious nor affected, yet brimming with genuine insight and educational wisdom, is like an awl in a bag—its sharpness naturally reveals itself. This is the key reason why I am willing to recommend this excellent book with the utmost enthusiasm.
I'm reflecting on which moments brought me to tears, and which ones made me laugh.
Returning to laughter. Laughter can be a hearty laugh or a gentle smile. Many moments of laughter arise from the "awkward" situations in parenting. Yet, because of laughter, we gain the strength to face, welcome, ease, and overcome these moments. Once you become a parent, you naturally share those common experiences—moments that feel close to the "darkest hours" and moments that bring immense joy, almost beyond words. These joys are like a ray of light breaking through the clouds, descending from heaven, and landing right on our foreheads. The ecstasy children bring us is that immense, that abundant. In these moments, you feel grateful for the wonder of life. In these moments, all the exhaustion and anxiety you’ve ever felt vanish in an instant.
Who isn't living such mundane days over and over again? Yet why is it always these wise women who first transcend themselves? Where does this strength truly come from?
Like our previous generation, we strive to be self-reliant and resilient, while also cherishing life and passing on this spirit of independence. At the same time, we embrace a genuine and fresh awareness of our own lives, integrating it into our journey and developing new ways of thinking. Because our generation, nurtured and raised, possesses an even greater power for self-evolution. Each generation has its own mission, and every generation strives to fully express itself, continuously breaking through the constraints of the ceiling, and lifting our children higher.
So the most important thing about this book is that it is a genuine record of a love for life, where the vitality of life comes rushing at you, rather than dry theories. Isn't it out of love that we step into the river of life with passion? Isn't it because of abundant love that we embrace our children with passion? Why does a person have strength? Because of authenticity, because of love.
This is the second dimension, a book of truth.
The third dimension likely requires us to think more deeply. It touches upon the most essential part of parenting.
Regarding parenting and education, where does the most essential secret lie? This secret, perhaps, is not mysterious at all. Once spoken, the words break the spell, illuminating many dark corners on the journey of parenting. This third dimension transforms this book into a book of wisdom.
Very interesting, the title of this book has a core word called "nurturing."
Why is it nurturing, not education? This slight difference in wording precisely signifies a different perspective on the core philosophy of education and the key elements embedded in the process of a child's growth.
The word "education" is often bound by the stereotypes it carries, evoking thoughts of endless practice problems and exams. In contrast, "nurturing" is closer to the foundational structure of a child's growth than the "education" you are concerned with. The term "nurturing" encompasses far more meaning than "education." For instance, the character "nurture" (养) implies parent-child companionship and mutual growth, while "rearing" (育), as in child-rearing, leans more toward the values of the family.
This is also the most insightful part of the book, delving directly into the core secrets of education. Parenting may be the most fundamental aspect, serving as the safeguard for the baseline of education.
So this book covers three parts, all of which emphasize the importance of parenting.
I would also like to emphasize to readers the importance of reading Chapter 6: Raising a Child Well, Giving Them 7 "Adequate" Abilities. I have a humble opinion that this chapter serves as the key to the entire book; these 7 abilities are precisely the core to understanding the true mechanisms of a child's learning.
In my educational articles, I always reiterate the same old point: the most crucial aspect of a child's growth is the "underlying logic."
The underlying logic we need to focus on is about "core competencies." Once a child develops these core competencies, the technical details will naturally fall into place and be resolved effortlessly. Because it is part of the "foundational" structure, it is often invisible and intangible. Yet, this is precisely the most fundamental and crucial aspect of a person's lifelong growth.
In the current education system, it is difficult for us to feel any meaningful impact at a structural level. Most parents of primary and secondary school students are passive in raising their children, pushed along by the realities of school education. They are busy every day dealing with the demands of teachers, leaving both parents and children exhausted and trapped in meaningless trivialities. The result is parents on the verge of breakdown and children struggling with depression.
This book offers a gentle nudge to readers and parents alike: when parents' perspectives shift, their outlook naturally changes, and the act of raising children becomes more relaxed. That's why "being able to laugh" is so important.
This book, rooted in reality, is also a book of emotions, offering solace to anxious parents. What is particularly important is that it is a book of wisdom, with that advanced educational insight shining like scattered jewels throughout its pages. Because it is infused with wisdom, every action described is filled with radiance and strength, executed with composure and ease.
So, what can readers gain?
Of course, what you see is what you get. But I hope even more that, through the illumination of its wisdom, we can break free from the constraints of traditional education and ascend to a greater height of freedom.
Thank you for reading. Currently, the book is available for purchase through the WeChat official account "Slave Society" store.
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